so, yet another depressing entry. im on holiday. the weather is amazing, there are kyaks and water that glows in the dark at night because there are tiny alge in it. and yet i cant stop crying. iv been crying nonstop since monday and to top it all off i have my period so cant swim. its such a beautiful place and yet i am so thouroughly miserable and im out of thyroxine because i yet vomiting and diahorrhea with my periods and so have been throwing up every morning. if i am crying all the time here i will surely be miserable anywhere in the world.
im going to give luna away. i just cant look after her anymore and i constantly think about hurting her. it breaks my heart to think about it but i really dont think she is safe with me and i really couldnt live with myself if i did anything to her. my suicide plans usually involve killing luna first. its easier to kill a cat than a human so i would probably survive but she would be dead. i love her so much and yet i dont think she will be safe with me and some of my plans to kill her are so graphic and detailed that they scare me. i hate myself so much for these thoughts but they are there whenever i empty my mind. i wonder about getting her put down because at least then she would die painlessly.
if i had the motivation i would row in to shore abd go up the hill and get some tutu leaves and eat them. if i die here i wont be able to kill luna when i get home.
im sorry this is a very negative and triggering entry. i dont know how to cut it on my phone. if you have read to the end if it you will realize what a horrible person i really am. iv been thinking about trying to poison my flat mate too and he hasnt done anything nasty to be ever and most certainly doesnt deserve to die. i have to die. i have to kill myself before i do something horrible to someone innocent. iv tried to seek help. i really have
I have asked everybody I invited to the page to, if they can possibly afford to, please donate $5 to her treatment if they possibly can(the price of a large latte in NZ). If you can't, thats OK, I understand. If you have fb, you can help by liking and sharing the page. IF you can only afford $1, thats cool too.
I hate to ask for money from anyone. I really do. But she is an awesome cat who deserves the best and I can't afford to give her what she deserves
Luna is doing well. She has her Elizabethan Collar off, and is starting to tear at the stitches. She has the draining tube out. If she keeps tearing stitches, it I'll have to put the collar back on her, which she won't appreciate
Thanks to everyone who has kept her in their thoughts. Please send her prayers, thoughts, vibes, money...whatever you want and can give. She could use it all.
She's such an awesome cat. Its really difficult to see her in pain. But every day I feel grateful that we live in a first world country where she had access to the vet care she needed. Some animals are not so lucky.
When I came home from work, I found Luna had a huge puncture wound on her side. It was as if she had been stabbed. Flat mate and I rushed her out to the after hours vet. They gave her ketamine and valium and stitched her up right there in front of me. She still has a drain in her side. When I came home, the drugs seemed to wear off. She got really angry about having a big collar on and started literally throwing herself around the room.
Thankfully they are letting me pay off the $559 dollar bill. If not...I dont have the money in my account and have cancelled my credit card.
I've really had enough of today. Life seems so unfair to Luna. Thankfully she has nine lives...She has used up at least four by now.
Please send thoughts or prayers or.....whatever
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Who do you hate more?
|Grand Maester Pycelle|
yes! i have my period! thank you god, i have never been so happy to have period pain. thank you to giant pharm companies for making the ecp. im so grateful i wont have to contemplate abortion. im not pregnant and if that fuckwit ever manages to have a baby, it will never be mine
i really dont think she is going to survive this. so please send thoughts.