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First Years

Ignorant first-year-girl-number-one and Ignorant first year-girl-number-two are two almost identical idiots in the line ahead of me for coffee who are bitching about another girl.

IFGN1: "...And it turns out she actually had to see a counsellor about it."
IFGN2: "Omg!"
IFGN1: "I know right? Fuck, I always knew she was mental."
IFGN2: "But she's ACTUALLY crazy now, right? Like, mentally disordered?"
1: "Yeah. And she's like actually on antidepressants. Like, pills to keep her happy."
2: "What...Like E?"
1: "No, not like E, like Prozac or something, I dunno."
2: "Omg, I really don't get people who need to take pills to be happy."
1: "I get why some people need to take pills. But with her, its like, what the fuck do you have to be unhappy about? Her parents are like paying for her degree and she has a car and shit and doesn't have to actually work at all."
2: "Yeah, I reckon people whose parents are paying for their degrees don't have a right to be unhappy, they don't know what real misery is like."
1: "Totally. Anyway, I'm sure her parents are so disappointed."
2: "Fuck, I hope so."
Me: *Leaves cue without ordering*

I have no idea who they were talking about. Could have easily been me, minus the parents paying for degree bit. Unlikely as I didn't know them, but could have been. I hate idiots like these, they add to the stigma of mental illness with their stupidity.

Seeing a counsellor does not make someone "mental"
Taking antidepressants does not mean that someone is a failure or they are "taking pills to be happy"
And just because someone has something that you don't and you don't think they deserve it for whatever reason (ie parents paying for a degree) doesn't mean that that you have the right to judge them for having problems. You don't have to "have a right" to be unhappy. Unhappiness happens to the rich as well. Depression affects people from all walks of life but its treatable if people seek help. Obviously the girl that the two girls are bitching about it doing that, which is amazing and requires courage. And they are backstabbing her for it in a public place.

What say someone who was considering getting counselling overheard this conversation?

free cat

so, yet another depressing entry. im on holiday. the weather is amazing, there are kyaks and water that glows in the dark at night because there are tiny alge in it. and yet i cant stop crying. iv been crying nonstop since monday and to top it all off i have my period so cant swim. its such a beautiful place and yet i am so thouroughly miserable and im out of thyroxine because i yet vomiting and diahorrhea with my periods and so have been throwing up every morning. if i am crying all the time here i will surely be miserable anywhere in the world.
im going to give luna away. i just cant look after her anymore and i constantly think about hurting her. it breaks my heart to think about it but i really dont think she is safe with me and i really couldnt live with myself if i did anything to her. my suicide plans usually involve killing luna first. its easier to kill a cat than a human so i would probably survive but she would be dead. i love her so much and yet i dont think she will be safe with me and some of my plans to kill her are so graphic and detailed that they scare me. i hate myself so much for these thoughts but they are there whenever i empty my mind. i wonder about getting her put down because at least then she would die painlessly.
if i had the motivation i would row in to shore abd go up the hill and get some tutu leaves and eat them. if i die here i wont be able to kill luna when i get home.


im sorry this is a very negative and triggering entry. i dont know how to cut it on my phone. if you have read to the end if it you will realize what a horrible person i really am. iv been thinking about trying to poison my flat mate too and he hasnt done anything nasty to be ever and most certainly doesnt deserve to die. i have to die. i have to kill myself before i do something horrible to someone innocent. iv tried to seek help. i really have


After the last post I decided to fuck it all and go for a run for the first time in five years. Managed to run about 2km up hill. I used to be a really good runner, would run about 14km each day, but now I am fat and unfit. But hey, I'm getting back into it! Its now 12pm and I'm having blueberries for breakfast

Let Luna Live

So far, I have $25 from various people who have donated towards Luna's treatment on Facebook. Yay! Every bit helps. I set up a page
I have asked everybody I invited to the page to, if they can possibly afford to, please donate $5 to her treatment if they possibly can(the price of a large latte in NZ). If you can't, thats OK, I understand. If you have fb, you can help by liking and sharing the page. IF you can only afford $1, thats cool too.
I hate to ask for money from anyone. I really do. But she is an awesome cat who deserves the best and I can't afford to give her what she deserves

Luna is doing well. She has her Elizabethan Collar off, and is starting to tear at the stitches. She has the draining tube out. If she keeps tearing stitches, it I'll have to put the collar back on her, which she won't appreciate

Thanks to everyone who has kept her in their thoughts. Please send her prayers, thoughts, vibes, money...whatever you want and can give. She could use it all.

She's such an awesome cat. Its really difficult to see her in pain. But every day I feel grateful that we live in a first world country where she had access to the vet care she needed. Some animals are not so lucky.

Luna emergency

When I came home from work, I found Luna had a huge puncture wound on her side. It was as if she had been stabbed. Flat mate and I rushed her out to the after hours vet. They gave her ketamine and valium and stitched her up right there in front of me. She still has a drain in her side. When I came home, the drugs seemed to wear off. She got really angry about having a big collar on and started literally throwing herself around the room.

Thankfully they are letting me pay off the $559 dollar bill. If not...I dont have the money in my account and have cancelled my credit card.

I've really had enough of today. Life seems so unfair to Luna. Thankfully she has nine lives...She has used up at least four by now.

Please send thoughts or prayers or.....whatever

who do you hate more?

Poll #1949637
Open to: All, detailed results viewable to: All, participants: 6

Who do you hate more?

View Answers
5 (83.3%)
Ramsey Bolton/Snow
0 (0.0%)
Lysa Tully
1 (16.7%)
0 (0.0%)
0 (0.0%)
0 (0.0%)
Grand Maester Pycelle
0 (0.0%)
Roose Bolton
0 (0.0%)
Jamie Lannister
0 (0.0%)
0 (0.0%)
VIctarion Greyjoy
0 (0.0%)
Randall Tarley
0 (0.0%)
0 (0.0%)

im not pregnant

yes! i have my period! thank you god, i have never been so happy to have period pain. thank you to giant pharm companies for making the ecp. im so grateful i wont have to contemplate abortion. im not pregnant and if that fuckwit ever manages to have a baby, it will never be mine

Nov. 16th, 2013

just got a text from my mum. my aunt is having her third operation in the lasr 24 hourd. she has diabetes and kidney failure as a result. all her veins have clotted up so the cant give her dialysis. so they are putting a vein graft from pig tissue into her. her body rejected the first graft and she needed five units of blood. that was this time yesterday. now shes in surgery no 3.
i really dont think she is going to survive this. so please send thoughts.


just came home to find that luna has attacked and almost torn to pieces a painting of a rabbit
that i did.
i love her. but sometimes, i really hare her. i liked that painting.

Nov. 7th, 2013

just found out my mum has been encouraging my ex partner to "help me" lose weight.
i hate them both


especially my mum.
im 8 kilos lighter than i was two months ago. but im more miserable than ever.

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April 2014



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